As a teenager, my life presented
many challenges, as so many young people of today would agree.
I struggled to fit in to an
unrealistic physical image my peers had deemed as acceptable. As a mildly overweight person, I certainly
didn’t fit in and more so became an absolute outcast.
I was ridiculed relentlessly for
my what I would call “mildly overweight” body. I was often reduced to tears.
Even at my tender age of 12, the panic attacks began.
Instead of enjoying my school
years; much was spent in total pain and depression. I remember not being invited to birthday parties and feeling
horrible. To this day these painful
memories still bore into my heart.
Though my elementary school
years (or that of pre-teen) were the focus of much turmoil, this continued on
into high school.
I come from an obese
background. My family members were not
of a healthy body weight. They were on
again off again dieters. We didn’t exactly
follow the “Canada Food Guide”.
These problems seemed to keep
gaining momentum.
I thought that if I loose weight
people would accept me, invite me, include me.
I thought being thin was the answer to my problems. Unfortunately…this desire only brought a
plague of more problems down on me.
These problems came in the form of excessive behaviours and mental and
physical effects that were far reaching.
And so my transformation began….
I exercised at first in
moderation which quickly led to running miles.
I went from eating a wide
variety and plenty of food to living off of five Shreddies a day and
water. The times I did allow myself to
eat more…I quickly rid myself of the food.
I stood on the scale about 20
times a day to ensure I had not gained even an ounce.
I went from a reasonable person
to irritable. From energetic to
fatigued. From easy learner to a poor
memory.
I completely isolated
myself. Relationships were no longer
important to me…being thin was.
My menstrual cycle ceased. I developed hair on my arms and face, yet
loss hair on my head. My skin tone
faded. My teeth decayed. I developed cystic acne.
I LOST WEIGHT. Alarmingly enough I went from 145 pounds to
95 pounds in less than 4 months. I
stand 5’5”.
My parents’ worrying changed to,
“Oh my God…what is happening to our daughter…how can I help her?” They became desperate to find help.
I sought help from a family
doctor and a psychiatrist. I attended
individual and group therapy. I
underwent hypnosis. I was hospitalized
time and time again.
After my full release from the
hospital, I soon went back to my old ways.
The illness continued its hold.
My parents had heard of a doctor in Saskatoon. He was said to be a specialist in the field of eating disorders. They quickly rushed me to an initial appointment.
I was hospitalized again. This therapy was a combination of emotional,
physical, nutritional, hypnotic and even that of spiritual components. The second time this doctor hospitalized me
I had greater success.
Even considering all the therapy
I received. I provided my own basis for
recovery. I dug really deep and faced
my demons. My recovery was on my terms
and a result of my inner strength.
I recovered after 5 years of
living this pitiful life.
I am content with myself now.
I have conquered and survived.