As promised, the keys to Kevin's Gate are in each  specially marked box of Kevin's Gate Brand Cereal. 


Nutritious UFO-shaped Oats
NOW AVAILABLE AT YOUR LOCAL GROCER

Alone, confused, programmed incorrectly, or simply looking to join a cult?  Why not join Kevin's Gate? Kevin's Gate offers its followers identity, direction, confidence, and a nutritious high-fibre cereal.  

For only $19.95 per month you receive our deluxe laminated membership card, matching sneakers, one no-wrinkle triangular shroud, and unlimited pool privileges at our California mansion.  

Plus for a limited time only, the first one hundred men to join receive free castration by a qualified professional.  No more uncomfortable adjustments on the ball diamond! 

 
CALL NOW OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY WITH THIS LIMITED TIME OFFER! 

1-888-HALE-BOPP 

Time is running out!  Call now!